Umm... So Yeah.

So Yeah.

I feel like my head and/or my heart is going to explode. I have done so much thinking thinking today. Yeah I know, sounds like i'm insulting myself. I'm not... Promise. It's just that today has been a day of memories for me. So many memories made, so many people I've known, so much time to loose. It is just one of those feelings that cannot be expressed in words alone. I want to cry but at the same time I want to laugh for joy and I can't bring myself to do either.

This has been quite a week already. So much has happened and yet so little has happened. Quantity Vs. Quality I guess... I think alot of stuff just with me and my life and my past and all that cool jazz has finally been resolved. I think the past is officially in the past and my i am ready for this semester and everything coming at me.

Remind me to write about my boys. I can't do it now. I don't have time. But I need to, My boys are the best ever and I love them all. (Don't get me wrong my girls are great too and i'd probly die without them)

well I'll wright more later when my thoughts are a smidge more organized...

Dreamer

So... Me and Will made these lists of favorite/things we love, no people just things. And readin those lists just puts me in this weird dreamy, whimsical, wish-I-was-doing-something, un-nameable emotion mood. I can't really expalin it and have no ideal why it makes me feel that way when I read it but it does. I see all the different things that I sometimes forget to appreciate, and don't realize that I love all at the same time in one spot. Obviously it's not everything and there are many more things that I could add to the list, and maybe I'll write another one to add to this one. I dunno... guess I just wanted to write that down. Okay, I'll go read the Illiad now...

Favorites

Some of my favorite Things and feelings. =]

1- Big Sweatshirts
2- Smell of a fire
3- Butterflies in my stomache
4- Feeling I get when I hear the bagpipes
5- Wearing dresses
6- Listening to music as loud as I can
7- Changing leaves in autumn
8- Feeling needed and wanted
9- Driving on familiar roads
10- Talking about nothing for hours
11- Christmas lights
12- Singing at the top of my lungs in chapel
13- Listening to someone play the guitar or piano
14- Being on a boat
15- Seeing Daddies taking daughters out for ice cream
16- Little kids
17- The sun rising on the ocean
18- Sitting in the quiet reading a book
19- Crying because something is so beautiful/perfect/precious/sweet
20- Saying 'I love you'
21- Pictures
22- Writting my thoughts down
23- Feeling of anticipation when you know you're going to see someone
24- Driving with the windows down and music blaring with friends
25- Being appreciated

About Me

So yeah... HI!!
My name is Alyssa Kelley.
I am the oldest of 6 kids.
I have lived in Maine all of my life untill coming down to school in Tennesee.
I love my family and I love Maine.
I'm a student at Lee University.
I want to get my Bachelors in Youth Ministry with a minor in Psycology and then get my Masters in Counseling.
I have changed my Major 3 times.
I am honestly one of the most indecisive people I know.
I let my emotions rule my life.
Even in legitimate personality tests and Strengths Finders, it consistently shows that my emotions rule.
I have found something that I can be dedicated to.
I can't think about the future without freaking out.
Thinking about graduation terrifies me.
I love my friends more than anything.
I am trying to keep my life on track with God and what He wants.

The End.

Reunion

So you know that feeling you get, when you see someone that you haven't seen in a long time? Like, this person is pretty much your best friend and for some reason, even tho you tried to keep in touch, it just didn't work. Maybe it was your fault, you didn't write as much as you promised... well forget the logistics of how it didn't work out, lets just remember that it didn't. So you kinda forget about them right? Maybe start forgetting the sound of their voice, the feel of their embrace... all those little things. Well, what about the next time you see them? That feeling you get.

The tightness in your chest for a second that explodes into an overwhelming joy. You have no idea why you didn't keep in touch, you forgot that they made you feel this great, and all you know is you never wanna be separated from them again.

That is exactly how I felt last night. It had been so long since I had felt God's presence. Last night I felt Him there with me. It was great. I don't ever want to stop feeling that.

Glorious (?)

The day is brighter here with you
The night is lighter than its hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
Yeah, you make everything glorious
And I’m yours
What does that make me?
My eyes are small
But they have seen
The beauty of enormous things
There’s light enough to see
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
Yeah, you make everything glorious
And I’m yours
What does that make me?
From glory to glory
You are glorious, You are glorious
From glory to glory
You are glorious, you are glorious
Which leads me to believe
Why I can believe
From glory to glory, you are glorious


If God is everything Glorious, and makes everything Glorious, does that make us automatically Glorious?
Do we have to work to be Glorious?
Are we Glorious through Him or all on our own because we are his creation?

Empty Words

1-10-08
Empty Words.
Everyone says them. Whether they have meaning at the time they are said is always debatable. Sometimes we can something and mean it with all our heart at the time it is said, and other times we know as we are saying it that it was a lie. I am guilty of speaking empty words as much as anyone else. But I hope that it has always been unintentional. I try to be honest and say what is on my mind when I’m asked. I don’t always succeed but I try my best. Like Horton the Elephant (in Horton Hears a Who) “I said what I meant and I meant what I said” I have been told many empty words. My life has been full of them for the past 3 years. I think of myself as a person who is a fairly good judge of character. My problem is that I usually don’t listen to myself. I want to trust everyone. I want to fix everyone. I want everyone to be more than okay. All I want is for those around me to be happy. I want them to be full of joy. I don’t care what the cost of it to myself is.

I think this was an attempt at poetry...

Man.
12/27/08
Oh so broken
Oh so alone
Oh so depressed
Oh so lonely
Oh so forgotten
Oh so betrayed
Oh so judged
Oh so stupid
Where is our hope for better days?
Where is our promise of love?
Where is our redemption?
Where is our safety?
Where is our forgiveness?
Where is our joy?
We know where it is.
We rejected the answer.
We have tried to substitute.
We have filled the emptiness of our hearts with everything but the answer.
We have gone so long without, that we have forgotten where it is.
We run in the opposite direction of anything that is contrary to what we want to believe.
We look only for answers that support our beliefs of what is easiest.
We are learning the hard way that we can never satisfy ourselves.
We hurt ourselves.
We destroy others.
We ruin relationships.
We create walls.
We burn bridges.
Every time we attempt to fix ourselves things get worse.
Why are we such a stubborn people?