Stress in my life...

So anyone who has been paying any attention to me this last week has probably noticed that I am a bit less ‘me’ than usual. There has been so much going on in my life this year that I cannot even begin to spill it all. I may not be able to finish writing what I want to anyway. I’ll try to hit every point one at a time...
School: school is beginning to overwhelm me. There seems to be no time. I am trying to be organized with my time… but when it seems like there is no time to organize then what can a girl do? I also changed my major this semester to education instead of youth ministry… I don’t feel the same in my education class as I did in my mission classes… I don’t know what I am even doing anymore… I feel like something is wrong with what I am doing... If I don’t have that same passion that I did before than why have I changed? More issues are voiced in this area when I start talking about God…
Friends: who is helping me and who is hindering me? What am I doing with the friends I am with? What kind of friends do I surround myself with? If people around me are a source of stress then why do I associate myself with them? I have had to deal with a suicidal friend and now an acquaintance (Caleb Baber) has had a life threatening and completely life changing accident….
Voices: All I can hear are the voices around me. I don’t know what my voice even sounds like anymore. I can’t decide what I feel or what I think anymore. Other people have dictated my life for so long that I can’t seem to find my own path that I want to travel down. What voice is mine? And how long do I have before I can’t hear my voice at all?
God: What am I not listening to? I feel like I know what I should be doing but I am turning my back on Him to do what I think makes others so much more happy. I don’t know what to do anymore. I ask Him what he wants of me and all I can hear is Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” This is a comfort to me but at the same time it is more frustrating than you can imagine… I know that God has plans for me… and I believe that He has shown me what much of it entails… but I want to know the specifics… I am so scared to take a step of faith and be let down…
Faith/Doubt: I have so much trouble putting trust in anyone or anything that could possibly let me down… I know that this is why I am so worried about taking even one step in faith… because if I do it just gives me a chance to be let down and hurt and it could pretty much lead to disaster at this point in my life… I don’t want to be wrong and do something if it is not what God wants…. Even when I am 99.9999999999% positive it is what God wants me to do… all summer I have been hearing that still small voice talked about in Isaiah… but I have acted on what the loud voices are saying instead… I have listened to the voices I can audibly hear instead of the voice I feel in my heart…
Me: The seat of all my frustrations ultimately lays in myself… I feel like I am a hypocrite… I say that I trust in God and that I am in His will and listening to His voice. Others tell me that I am a woman of God and a good example to others… when in the ultimate reality of everything I am blatantly ignoring His voice that everyone believes I am listening to… it pretty much disgusts me how easy it is for me to fool those around me into thinking that I am perfectly fine… I just feel like I want to throw in the towel and that it would just be so much easier… it seems like one of the only things that keeps me going is the fact that if I actually quit so many people would be unhappy with me… well I guess that enough for now… ill add some more later…
Peace out…