People

So finals are coming up.. and I'm realizing it's the end of another year. Isn't that just crazy? I've been here for two years... So much has happened. These have by far, been the most crazy two years of my life. So much has happened. So much good, yet there has been plenty of room for bad. Yet I don't think I would change anything if i could. I am a different person than i was two years ago... I was Naive and so full of expectations and worries and hopes and dreams. So confident in myself and yet at the same time absolutely terrified, doubtful, and in a totally new environment.

I have had so many friends that have come and gone in these two years, so many relationships i thought would last forever, some that i hoped would last forever, that all ended more abruptly than i care to think about. I have realized that 'I' can choose who i want to be, who i want to be around, how i want to treat people. I have realized that i make the decision that dictate my life. I don't have to follow other peoples plans for my life. I know that it's up to me.

there have been times when i lost myself to other people. when i have put more into others lives than into my own. I have tried to live up to everyone else's expectations and forgotten my own. I have tried braking away from everyones expectations and lost myself.

And then I finally decided that none of it really mattered. All that mattered was if I was myself! And then i was happy. I stopped letting myself be controlled by the people around me and started living my life for ME. that was definitely a big moment and decision and HUGE process for me.

I have learned to deal with people. I have realized that everyone is different. Everyone does not think like me, and other people don't look at things the way that i do. I have tried to be a voice of reason when it's needed. (altho I'm not always good at listening to it) I have learned to look at things from other peoples point of view. I have learned to understand other people. That is the greatest gift God has given me. It's nowhere near perfection, but at least i try.

I have learned that just because a situation is not completely comfortable for me doesn't mean that it's wrong. My views on some things have changed, i am learning the art of choosing 'wisely' which battles are worth fighting in. I have learned how to recognize a true friend. I have learned to recognize a lie.

I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I have had heartache, I have had true joy, I have been confused, I have seen the light, I have procrastinated, I have become the Queen of Procrastination, I have been naive and innocent, and I have used Urban Dictionary, I am truly the person that I want to be. There is room for me to grow into a better person, But I am happy when I look in the mirror. I know who it is that I am looking at when i see my reflection.

I have found my core group of friends that I can always go back to, nomatter what. You know who you are. I don't have to name you. I love you.