Selfish?

Why do you think that I am selfish? Because I want what is best for me? Okay. Call me selfish. Sometimes I wish you could hear yourself talk. I wish you could hear the contradictions that fall off your tongue. You are the selfish one. You want to impose your rules and your life on me. You are so selfish. You don’t want to loose me. The only way you are going to loose me is if you push me away, the ball is in your court. I’ve made my decision. You need to make yours. Stop being selfish and let me have a life, the life that I want. I know that you care and want what’s best. But you do not know what’s best for me, you know what is best for you. You said that to me today. It’s no longer about me, I don’t think it ever was, it’s about you. So you know what? I’m done.

Growing up...

You want me to make a choice? Gladly. Screw you. I'm done with accomodating. I'm done with being silent. You want me to speak? I'll speak. But I'm done hiding what I think. I'll speak what I'm really thinking. Maybe you will actually get to know me. ME. The real me. Not the person you think I am. Not the little girl who does everything you say with the snap of your finger. But the Young woman who has a life of her own. The young woman who can make her own decisions. The young woman you have made me into. Maybe you will get to know her.

This is my fault. I accept full responsibility. It is my fault you don't know me. It's my fault you think I'm somone else. I should have showed you. I should have stood up to you when I wanted to. I should have had a backbone. I should have been independent.

I can walk on my own two feet. I can fall, get hurt, and pick myself back up again. I can take responsibility from myself. I know how to take care of myself. I know what hurts me, and I know what doesn't. I know what's dangerous and I know what's safe. I know the Truth, and I know the Lies. I know what I can do, and I know what I can't. You've taught me these things. So let me spread my wings and fly. Choose to open the door to my cage... Or when I get out, I'll never come back.

What?

How is it possible for someone else to know what you want? To know the desires of your heart? To know what it is you want out of life. How do they know where you will find fulfilment?

You tell them.

If you have not told somone these desires, these wants, then how will they know? They simply can't. They can try. They can tell you what they want, what they desire, and where they find fulfilment. But that is not the same. They can paint a pretty picture, but if it's not yours, then you won't appreciate it, you won't want it, and if you did... it would be wrong.

I don't want someone elses plan for my life. Nomatter how cookie cutter, how sweet, how seemingly perfect. I want my own life. If I make a mistake, I can live with it. I know what I want out of life. I know my plan, or at least part of it. I don't know everything. But I know what God has given me. I know the talents He has given me. I know the heart he has given me. I know the people he has placed in my life. I know where he has placed me.

I don't know where I'm going or what I will end up doing... But I don't have to know that yet. And neither does anyone else. :)

Haceed

Haceed
“An overwhelming desire to give of yourself, to the other person, for their benefit, regardless of the cost to you”
Overwhelming and brings you to your knees. it’s all you want is to give of yourself to the other person. Pure love. Unselfish. Hard work. But it is the goal.
Priority of Haceed is not on the self but on the other person
Look for ways and opportunities to meet needs and desires
The Greek word is AGAPE

Frustrations....

So It's been forever since I've posted anything on here. I doubt anyone even reads anymore, but that's okay. I write from me not you. GAH why is life frustrating. I feel like.. Idk. My parents are trying to tell me what to do, how to live, who to be with. I can't let them make all these decisions for me. I kow that i don't have as much wisdom as they do and that they have been playing this game of life far longer than I have, But that doesn't mean they have all the answers. I have to make some of these decisions on my own. they aren't always going to b right here telling me what to do and if they are that would be a serious problem. I'm an adult now. I'm a senior in college and I have a plan for my life. And the plan that I have for my life, doesn't exactly line up with the plan that they have. Here is the problem. *sigh*

If I make a mistake, If I choose the wrong path, I can live with that. I can take responsibility for my actions. What I canot do, and what i refuse to do, is take responsibility for the choices and decisions that they want to make for me.

I know that they want what is best for me. What good parent doesn't want that for their children? But their concept and idea of what is best for me and what is going to make me happy, Isn't mine.

How can I show them that? Do I just keep doing what I'm doing and wait for them to accept my decisions? I am trying to compromise and make some adjustments, But I refuse to let them dictate my life from 1500 miles away.

*sigh*

Oh well, this is all for now.