I know it's your major and all...

Why are people so skeptical? Why are people so quick to judge what they do not understand? Why do people feel that if they have lived for any amount of years or had life experience of consider themselves wise or intelligent then they know all that matters. Sometimes I just want to shake people and scream in their face and say “YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT SO SHUT THE HELL UP!!” This is my life. This is my major. This is what I’m learning. This is what I am going to do for a living. I think I know more than you do on the Subject matter.

I am a Psychology Major. There are such things as Mental Disorders. Things exist that impair your functioning. Things exist that people can not control. Some people can not just “get over it” or “act normal” or “get real” or “be happy” or “concentrate” or “sit still”. Telling some people to do these things is like telling a person with cancer “Just get better.” See the stupidity?

I do not know everything. But I know enough to know that some people just do not want to admit that not everyone is in full control. I don’t know why. Maybe it challenges their world view. Maybe it challenges their faith. Maybe it just scares them. But to say that things do not exist is just ignorant. Why? Because people who actually have these disorders do not use them as a cop-out. Sometimes they even know that they have something wrong with them, but they don’t have the ability to change. Some people can’t just stop or get better.

I guess this is a battle I’ll always have. I still don’t know how to handle it. Right now I have decided that these people won’t change their mind just because a College undergrad student tells them it’s real. So I just keep quiet and let them hold their own opinions. It’s not worth the argument. Maybe someday I’ll find a way to change their minds.

But for now, Whatever. Be ignorant. Insult me. Insult my profession of choice. Insult the people that deal with these problems that they can’t control. I just hope you don’t find someone close to you who has one of the problems you label so “fake”.

Aggitation

I have an antsy feeling in my whole body. I just want to do something. I wan to make a change. Do something unexpected. I wanna cut my hair short. I wanna get a tattoo. I wanna change my makeup. I wanna change my style. I wanna do something outrageous. I wanna go somewhere, but I have nowhere to go. I want to cook, but I don’t want to eat.

I am happy where I am in life, but I’m ready for something new and exciting. I really do think I want a tattoo... Maybe for graduation... That would be fun. Oh well. I guess I will just have to be satisfied with where I am right now, and just wait for the next chapter to get here.

Control...

So I haven’t written a thing in a while. I guess I’ve just been so busy that I barely have time to think straight, much less try to put it all down and sort through it. So much is going on that I can’t control. And the pieces that I can control, others want to take charge of. How can people tell me I’m wrong? How can people tell me that I’m falling away from God? How can people that thought they knew me so well, actually know so little about me.

Today it all just hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m so small. I can’t handle all of this on my own. I don’t know how not to love. I don’t know how to not be who I am. I don’t know how to not find joy in the things that I do.

I don’t know how because it’s not possible. I don’t know how because I’m not suppose to.

I’m not going to change who I am or where I’m headed based on what other people want, or what other people think is best. Why is that? Because as much as they say that they will also have to live with the decisions I make, They don’t. They make face some consequences. But I am the person who has to live with every decision I make. I am the one who has to wake up every morning and live with my choices.

I may not be perfect. And I may not know everything. I may not be the person that others expect me to be. But I am okay with that. When I look in the mirror now, I am satisfied with who I am. I know that I am doing the right thing. I know that everything will be okay.