Control...

So I haven’t written a thing in a while. I guess I’ve just been so busy that I barely have time to think straight, much less try to put it all down and sort through it. So much is going on that I can’t control. And the pieces that I can control, others want to take charge of. How can people tell me I’m wrong? How can people tell me that I’m falling away from God? How can people that thought they knew me so well, actually know so little about me.

Today it all just hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m so small. I can’t handle all of this on my own. I don’t know how not to love. I don’t know how to not be who I am. I don’t know how to not find joy in the things that I do.

I don’t know how because it’s not possible. I don’t know how because I’m not suppose to.

I’m not going to change who I am or where I’m headed based on what other people want, or what other people think is best. Why is that? Because as much as they say that they will also have to live with the decisions I make, They don’t. They make face some consequences. But I am the person who has to live with every decision I make. I am the one who has to wake up every morning and live with my choices.

I may not be perfect. And I may not know everything. I may not be the person that others expect me to be. But I am okay with that. When I look in the mirror now, I am satisfied with who I am. I know that I am doing the right thing. I know that everything will be okay.