Conundrum.

Okay, So I should be studying for an exam right now, but obviously I am not. I can't turn off my mind. I am so tired. I have a headache and I'm fairly certain it's because my mind has been racing for so long.

Life is so funny. Drama has been systematically wiped out of my life. Most of it I have gotten rid of myself, and some has just disappeared on it's own. But this semester I finally reached a point where there were no more outside sources of drama in my life. I was really quite proud of myself.

Perhaps that was my problem. Letting myself think that drama was a thing of the past. I let myself get caught off guard.

Well the irony in this situation is that the drama is from home. The drama is coming from the people that told me not to let things going on at home effect what was happening to me at school. The irony is that the drama is coming from the people that should be showing me the most support. The irony is that I'm going home to drama as opposed to leaving it at school.

"Grow Up"
I need to grow up. The only problem I see is that I thought I was. I thought that "growing up" meant that I learned to take care of myself. I thought growing up meant learning how to make all the 'right' decisions and learning from the 'wrong' ones. I thought that it was having a legitimate plan for my life. I though growing up was learning how to confront problems that you saw and learning how to deal with them. I thought growing up was being able to handle situations maturely and in person. But apparently I was wrong.
Growing up is leaving someone who makes a mistake in the dust. Growing up is never mentioning someone who makes you feel like the only person in the world that matters. Growing up is not learning from your mistakes, but making others pay for theirs. Growing up is talking to people through texts and phone calls and not in person.At least that's what some people are trying to tell me.
If that's really growing up, then I'm fine being an immature foolish child.

"You're not praying"
You care now? Where were you when I couldn't even go to Church on Sundays? Where were you when I was doubting God's existence? Where were you when I really wasn't praying? Did you ever ask me how my relationship with God was then? Or do you only 'care' now because you think you can make me have doubts and change my mind?

I am so tired. I can't fight this anymore. I don't want to. I don't want to fight. I hate this feeling of a coming conflict. I hate dreading a call. I hate dreading going home to a fight.

*sigh*

Why can't I just escape this?