Blaaaaaaahhhhh

I don't know what the hell I want so it would be wonderful if everyone would just leave me alone. I hate this. I don't know where I should go to school. I don't know where I should live. I don't know what Pro's outweigh which Con... I don't want to be pushed into something... but I don't want to get stuck either. Can you even understand how hard this is for me? All you have to do is listen and accept my decision... I'm the one that has to make them. I feel like everything I thought I knew for sure is now gone... I feel like I can't trust anyone...

Maybe I have been wrong all along. I just want to quit. I am so tired of the constant battle. With everyone and everything. With the people I love the most... Why is it the people I want to fight the most seem to have no fight in them at all? Perfectly content to do nothing. To barely attain mediocrity is not what I'm looking for. Average is fine... But to barely be considered such, or to be below it... I don't want a life like that.

Everything was planned out so perfectly. I thought everything was okay. I convinced myself that nothing was wrong. I hate the hell of a limbo that I am living in now. With every resolution I make I make another to tear it down.

I feel like my heart is done feeling. Except that is a lie. Feeling comes and goes in waves. I can be numb, and in the next hour be on the verge of tears, or an angry rant, or just lonely and hurt. I just want to be loved as I was promised...

All the promises and all the whispers of love... I did my best and I loved my best... But you didn't follow through. And now my heart is breaking and my life has turned upside down. And what do I do now? Wait.